New Year, Same Me, Different Attitude

It's 2019 and I'm feelin' like it's taking me FOREVER to get my ish together! I don't know if it's because the last part of 2018 was just crazy busy or if I was just being super lazy but I really did not want the year to end. We spent some time with family and did a little bit of traveling (not far, just up to my mother-in-law's house near Lake Tahoe) and I was busy trying to live in the moment that I didn't really take the time to reflect and make goals for the new year. Once we were back in town, I decided to just sit back and relax and really take this time to think about all that happened in 2018.

Here's a recap of my 2018...

I rang in the new year as a newly mama of 2. Everly and I were fresh out of the newborn haze and was starting to establish some sort of normalcy. I was mentally preparing myself to go back to work at the beginning of March which meant I needed to get my babies on some sort of schedule to make it easier for the baby-sitter. But all that came to a screeching halt when I got a call from my District Boss informing me that my position was being eliminated, effective at the start of the new fiscal year in February. So instead of returning to work, I became a SAHM. Then at the end of Summer, Daniel and I made the decision to move once our lease was up at the end November, so that meant looking for a new place to call home. After a lot of searching we weren't successful in finding the right place and since we did not want to renew our lease for another year, we moved out of our apartment and in with family while we continue searching for our new (preferably permanent) home. And then, of course, the holidays hit and lots of celebrating and adventures happened... and now here we are.

New Year's Resolutions aren't my thing. Regular goals, yes. But the tradition of making resolutions and starting them on the 1st of January just doesn't sit right with me. I always feel like resolutions are goals that aren't meant to be taken seriously since a lot of people who jump on that bandwagon fall off so quickly.

So what exactly do I want to accomplish in 2019? Good freakin' question (I mean, besides finding our permanent home... and win the lottery). When I first sat down to really think about this, my mind just drew a blank. Like I couldn't really pinpoint any one thing that I wanted to focus on this year. I almost just said "screw it... ima just wing it like I do everything else." But over time, and after having a lot of conversations with my people in real life as well as my friends on social media (yes they are REAL friends, too... I just haven't met them in person), I realized that the one thing I truly wanted to work on is ME. Self-care, self-love... ALL. OF. IT. I want to make sure I take the time to be mentally + physically healthy so I can be the best mom, wife, and friend for my people!

For the past 3 1/2 years since becoming a mother, I have given soooo much of myself - to my kids, to my husband, to my job - that I never really took the time to care for myself. This is not to say that I was unhappy for these past few years, because that is definitely not the case. I am extremely happy. But I realized that I put sooo much of my growth as Jane "the person" on hold while I let Jane "the mom + wife" thrive. Some will say you can't have one without the other but I don't believe that. So many changes comes with becoming a mother. And I've had to learn and adjust with that new norm. And I learned early on that I am no longer the Jane "before kids" and can never become that woman again because duh, I have kids now. If that makes any sense. But so much time and effort goes into taking care of our tiny humans that we go into survival mode and do the bare minimum of doing things for ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of moms out there who have found their groove and that balance and I applaud them for doing a great job at it because I know it's hard to do! And this is what I'd like to really work on this year for me.

So what's my goal this year? To get back into the gym. Seriously. And not just for the physical benefits! Working out helps clear my mind and seriously does make me happy - mind, body + soul. Yes I am fully aware that it's going to take a lot of work for me to get back into the swing of things since I haven't been in so long. But the occasional spa pedicure or solo retail therapy or girls night out is just not enough for me to be the best mom/wife I can be.

Prior to babies, my thing was working out and being fit. I was a gym rat. I loved doing physical activities outdoors. I worked out at the gym up until I had Ella in June 2015. But once I had her, going to the gym was not an option because my husband and I had crazy schedules and we didn't have the luxury of having someone readily available to watch Ella so I could go to the gym. Daniel was a stay-at-home dad during the day while I worked and then I'd come home from work and take over mommy duties while he went to school at night for his Masters degree. My job was 42 miles away from home with a schedule of 6am-3pm Monday-Friday. Because of traffic in California, that meant I needed to be up at 4am, on the road by 5am. Then at the end of my day I'd have to hurry out the door at 3pm to sit in traffic for almost 2 hours to be home by 5pm so that Daniel could make it to class on time. And then get Ella and I both fed and ready for bed AND get my lunch together for the next day by 9pm so I could at least get a decent amount of sleep before the next day. Because I didn't get to spend a lot of time with her during the week, I made sure to spend as much time with her as possible on the weekends. Going to the gym was not in the cards for me at the time and I was fine with it. Once Everly came into the picture and I became a SAHM, I thought maybe I could finally get back into the gym. Yeah, wishful thinking. Daniel's job sometimes has him working nights and weekends (not all the time but it's still a lot) so again, gym time was put on hold. I tried the whole 'working out at home' thing and that would last for a few weeks at a time but I could never be consistent because Everly was a super demanding and clingy baby so it was easy for me to give up. So again, I put that on hold again. The one workout that was consistent for me was having regular mom walk dates with a good mom-friend of mine - which I plan to continue doing!

Now that Everly is becoming more independent and less clingy AND I'm not sleep-deprived or as tired as I was a year ago, I feel like this is the perfect time to get my groove back. And to finally work on ME. Because I deserve it.

And the world will be a better place because of it lol - one less grumpy woman in this world. Ok, that was meant to be a joke. But for real tho! I'm determined to make this happen. I'm determined to look and FEEL my best (I feel a self-love POST coming in the future) in 2019.

I feel like I've been rambling on for hours! Tell me what are your goals/resolutions for 2019? Share in the comments below!!!

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Tags: #newyearsresolutions #goals #2019ismyyear #selfcare #selflove #postpartum #happynewyear

TIU Bikini Series - 4 Weeks Down, 4 More To Go

Now that Everly is past the newborn stage and is becoming more and more mobile and independent (as independent as an 8-month old can get - her favorite place is still in my arms), I've decided to finally get back to workin' on my fitness. And this time I'm determined to make it stick. I attempted at the start of the new year but 2 weeks in, I just couldn't keep up with the meal preps and workin' out in between meeting the demands of my 2 year old and nursing infant. So on Monday May 7th, I committed to doing the 8-Week Bikini Series Challenge with the rest of the Tone It Up community.

The goal of this challenge, for me, was to get back into the groove in finding that balance. It was difficult for me after having my firstborn back in 2015 especially when I went back to work 6 months postpartum because my commute to and from work was almost 4 hours roundtrip daily. So by the time I got home to relieve Daniel of his daddy duties so he could go to class (he was getting his Masters at the time), I really only had a couple of hours to have Ella and I fed and ready for bed. And sure I could have worked out on weekends, but I made the sacrifice of not working out because I wanted to spend time with Ella since I missed so much of her during the week. I did, however, try my best at eating clean and meal prepped as much as I could. Anyway, what was the point of my story again? (Mom brain strikes again) Oh yeah, that's right. So this challenge was meant to get me to get back into the groove of working out again. And meal prepping.

I wanted to get used to working out 4-5 times a week. My pre-baby days, I worked out 6-7 times a week. I lifted weights at the gym. Sometimes I did 2-a-days when I incorporated HIIT cardio workouts. I did have "rest" days where I would take a break from the gym but I'd do something outside - like bike riding or hiking or taking my dog on long walks. Now, the only gym I have access to is the one in my apartment complex. It consists of 2 treadmills, 1 stationary bike, 1 elliptical, and 1 universal weight lifting machine that lets you do lat pull downs, chest press, peck flyes, etc. I wish there were more equipment to work with (like free weights and a squat rack) but at least it's a good start.

Weeks 1 and 2 kinda went like this: On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I did HIIT cardio on the treadmill. A jog/sprint combo for 30 minutes with a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cooldown. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I took my girls to a park nearby to walk for 30 minutes. May not seem like a lot, but the paved walking trail has some pretty good up and downhill grades which makes for pushing a double-stroller a bit challenging especially for someone who is NOT in shape like me. The stroller weighs approximately 29 lbs, Ella weighs about the same, and Everly is about 20 lbs now. So it definitely is a great workout. Then after my 30 minute walk, I let Ella run & play on the playground. But wait! I'm not done yet. On top of these cardio sessions, I also did home workouts. Tone It Up has an app that gives you access to free daily workouts and also LIVE studio workouts on the hour every hour. But you have to pay for that one. Each day is a different workout that targets different areas of the body. The workouts may look easy, but they're really not. And they are soooo very effective. I was sore (and still am) for days.

Weeks 3 and 4 weren't as intense but I still worked out. I had to take it a little easier because somehow, I managed to injure my knee. To the point where it hurt for me to walk or even just get out of bed. I couldn't do a jog/sprint HIIT cardio combo on the treadmill without almost eating it. So instead I did a walk/very brisk walk combo instead. We still did park walks AND neighborhood walks. And I continued to do the daily moves.

Now, as for the eating clean and meal prepping part. I haven't been super strict with this one. For the most part, it's been clean. But throw in a Mother's Day celebration the first weekend after the challenge started, then a family member's birthday BBQ the following weekend, and then Memorial Day weekend where we attended a Gender Reveal party... well you can safely assume I did have a little bit of not-so-clean meals. But totally in moderation!

So far so good. This is the most consistent I've been with both working out AND eating clean in the last almost 3 years. It's still a struggle to find the energy to get a workout in, but at least I have a little more time in the day to play with since I no longer have a job with a long commute. And Daniel finished his Masters program a year ago so now he's able to hang out with the girls when he gets home from work so I can go to the gym.

The pressure we put on ourselves to get back into pre-baby shape can be ridiculous and sometimes unrealistic. I struggled with that disappointment for a long time but I know if I can just commit to staying on this path without huge expectations, I know eventually I will get there. I don't want to be skinny. I want to be healthy and in shape and to just look and feel great in my postpartum skin. I've accepted the fact that I may never have my rock hard abs again. And that's okay because I'm so proud of what my body went through to bring my 2 babies into this world. So I'm not paying attention to the number on the scale. My progress will be monitored by my pant size. I haven't stepped on the scale since my 6 week postpartum checkup back in November so I don't know even know how much I currently weigh. But I do know that I'm wearing clothes that are waaay bigger than I would like to be wearing. I just want to feel confident again. You know?

How long did you wait to start working out again postpartum? Was it difficult? Was it easy? Have you reached your goal? Let's talk about it in the comments below!

Tags: #fitnessjourney #healthyjourney #fitfam #tiubikiniseries #TIUteam #toneitup #postpartum #momlife #fitmom #postpartumfitness

Birth Story: Everly Rose Edition

*Originally posted February 7, 2018 on Fab . Fit . Me*

Hmmm. Where should I start?

Do I start this post at the exact moment I went into labor? Or do I go back a couple of days and work my way up to the moment?

How about we start a couple of weeks back. Yeah let's start there. Back to when I was 38 weeks and very pregnant.

At my prenatal appointment my midwife examined me and I was 1 cm dilated 80% effaced.

My first thought: yay! Let's get this show on the road! But in reality: This means absolutely nothing. Baby could come early... or not. She'll come when she's ready.

Another week goes by.

No contractions.

No water breakage.

No nothing.

At my 39 week check up (Wednesday) I was examined once again. This time, 3-4 cm dilated and still 80% effaced. The excitement returned. And then my midwife reminded me again... baby will come when she's ready. And apparently she was not ready. We decided if nothing happened by my next appointment, we would do a membrane sweep - not a fun procedure but a better option than having to be medically induced.

So I did what any pregnant lady who was being pregnant would do... I hoped and wished for my uterus to go into labor. Like right away.

I spotted a little bit the day after my doc appointment, which can be normal after a pelvic exam. But I was soooo hoping it was my mucus plug. Because then that would mean I could go into labor soon!

The weekend came.

And then it went.

Still no baby. 😖

Sunday night I went to bed but had the hardest time falling asleep because Baby was doing some major kickboxing in my belly. Kicks, jabs... I swear it felt like she was trying to claw her way out. I thought maybe I might go into labor!!! But then it all stopped just after midnight.

*sigh*

So... Monday, life went on as normal. Hubby left for work. Ella and I went about our daily routine - play, eat, play...and played some more. At about 3-ish, Ella and I snuggled up in bed for our nap. At 5-ish, I woke up to the same dancing act in my belly that kept me up the night before. Ella was still asleep so I just laid there and rested and let Baby beat me up from the inside.

And then I felt a pop.

Did my water just break?

I didn't move. I just laid there. Waiting. For what? No clue. I never experienced my water breaking when I went into labor with Ella. In fact, my water didn't break till right before I had to push. The doc had to break it. So I waited. Not long after, I felt myself wet my pants involuntarily. Either I really had no control over my bladder anymore or my water did in fact break.

I got up and ran to the bathroom. My undies and shorts were completely soaked. But I thought, if my water did break...wouldn't there be more fluid? Like what you see/hear about in the movies? So I wasn't sure.

Looked at the time and it was almost 6 pm. Called the hubby, who was on his way home from work but stuck in traffic. He arranged for his brother and sister-in-law to come get me and take me to the hospital. My brother-in-law took Ella home with him while my sister-in-law drove me to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital about 7 pm. At this point, I still wasn't 100% sure that my water broke - denial at its finest. The nurse taking care of me told me they'd check me out. If it did break, I'd be admitted. If it didn't, I'd be sent home. My sister-in-law stayed with me till the hubby arrived. The midwife came in and examined me. Turns out, my water did break. And I was still 3-4 cm dilated. I felt zero contractions. But once they hooked me up to the monitors, it showed that I was indeed having contractions. I guess I do have a high tolerance for pain.

So here's the deal with having your water break well before you are in active labor. There is a small window in which the doctors would like to have the baby delivered. The main reason is because there is a huge risk of infection that could lead to complications for me and the baby. That's when they asked me if I wanted to try to hurry my labor along with the help of Pitocin or if I wanted to try and see if my body would let labor progress naturally. I opted to try the natural route instead. They gave me about 2 hours to see if anything magical happened.

At around 9 pm, I was examined again. By then I was experiencing stronger contractions. Not too painful. But dilation had not progressed at all. So we agreed to start the Pitocin. I had been on the fence about getting the epidural up until this point. But after realizing how late it was and that Baby P #2 was not going to be born any time soon, I said yes to the epidural. I chose the opportunity to rest and sleep through the night so that I'd have the energy to push at the end of it. I remembered just how exhausting it was when I had Ella. And I was not looking forward to being completely sleep deprived before the newborn stage even started.

So they pumped me up with fluids and started the Pitocin. About an hour later, the anesthesiologist came in and got the epidural going. The contractions came on strong once that Pitocin was in my system. And once I got the epidural, it was instant relief. And I tried my best to get some sleep. I don't think I slept much. I guess I was just too anxious. But I got to relax through all those contractions.

At 6 am my nurse examined me and said I was fully dilated and wanted me to do some practice pushes. After a couple of pushes, she had me stop because there was still some cervix. So we waited.

At 7 am there was a shift change and I got a new nurse and midwife. My new nurse didn't try to hurry things up. She wanted me to "labor down" (let baby make her way down the birth canal) so that I wouldn't have to work so hard to push. I was totally fine with that. So we waited some more.

It was some time after 9 am when I was given the go to start pushing. Totally different experience from the last time for sure. I didn't always feel the pressure of the contractions with the epidural. So my midwife and nurse both had to coach me on when to start pushing when a contraction I didn't feel would come on. It didn't seem like I was pushing very hard because I couldn't feel much, but they assured me I was doing an awesome job. After 3 rounds of 3-4 pushes (about 15 minutes), Everly Rose was born.

I was totally relieved I didn't have to push for 4 hours like I did with Ella.

And thank God I had chosen the epidural route because guess what? It wasn't over yet. I bled. A lot. They couldn't stop the bleeding. The midwife was all up in there doing everything she can to make sure everything that needed to be out was out and that everything that needed to be stitched up was stitched up. But the bleeding wouldn't stop. I shudder at the thought of having to endure that without the epidural.

Anyway, I tried my best not to freak out when she called for the OB that was on staff that day. But before the OB showed up, my midwife finally got the bleeding to stop and was able to finish me up. And then, of course, I spiked a fever. The risk of infection we tried to avoid happened anyway. I was put on antibiotics immediately and because of the fever, I was not allowed to go home 24 hours later like I should have. But at least Baby was fine.

*sigh*

And there you have it, folks. My birth story. Finally. It only took me 4 months to write. LOL

I still cannot believe I pushed out a 9 lb baby!!!

Evie - skin to skin bonding with Daddy

My entourage, my coaches...

Little Sis meeting Big Sis for the first time...

Tags: #birthstory #postpartum #secondbaby