Ramblings of This SAHM

Holy cow! Did anyone else notice I was gone from the blogging world for nearly 2 months?! I honestly did not mean to take that long of a break but geez... how in the world did 2 months fly on by?!

You're probably wondering what happened. Or maybe not. But even if you weren't wondering what happened, you're gonna read about it anyway because I'm gonna tell you. Just an FYI, this is probably going to be the most random thought-filled blog post I have written to date so just humor me and read along and tell me your thoughts at the end, k? Even if you think I'm too crazy for you... just give me some feedback!

Okay, so after my last couple of posts, I kinda developed writer's block. Which usually is no big deal because it happens to me all the time - life happens and my blog usually gets pushed to the side because priorities, right? Well that wasn't the case this time around. To put it simply, I was just feeling uninspired to write anything. I was definitely in a funk and I just couldn't get out of it.

This is pretty much how this particular case of writer's block would go for me...

The creative juices start flowing and the ideas would come to me while I'm NOT sitting at my computer. At the most inconvenient times. Like when I'm doing chores. Or when I'm taking a shower or even when I'm giving my kids their baths. I'd get my best ideas for blog topics while I'm doing the dang dishes. The "old" me would have stopped what I was doing to jot down some notes. Maybe even do it in outline form. Because I used to be such an annoyingly organized multi-tasker who enjoyed writing lists. With fancy pens on pretty stationary. Ok, maybe that's a lil bit of an exaggeration but seriously... the "pre-baby" me used to be effing annoying. Because "me" now? The "hot mess scatterbrained mom" me is less organized and is always trying to do a million things at once trying to convince myself that multi-tasking is NOT a thing, that it does NOT exist, and that people who believe it does? They are the crazy ones. When really, multi-tasking is just about making a mental to-do list in our head, then starting on project #1 and not fully finishing it before getting distracted with project #2-gazillion and before you know it, we've started a million projects with every intention of finishing them but not really. Because by the time you come back to tackle any of the projects on the list, you find that it's evolved into something else. Anyway, I digress. As I was saying... the "mom" me is always trying to hurry up to get some chores done before my stage 5 clinger (AKA Everly) realizes that she no longer wants to play independently or with her sister anymore and comes looking for me. Because who keeps pen and paper near the kitchen sink anyway? Apparently NOT me. Then I forget that mom brain really IS a thing (like every single time) and I think to myself "you will remember your thoughts. And you will write up this post when Baby's asleep because you're a badass and YOU GOT THIS." If I could insert an emoji right here, I so would. It would be this guy right here....

Because we all know that once I sat my ass down to hash out a badass post, nothing came to mind but a huge question mark. And then I'd just sat there hoping that it would all come back to me. Hoping that the blinking cursor would just start spitting out words. Instead it just blinked. And blinked some more. Until I couldn't take it anymore and ultimately I just gave up.

Sad but true.

I found myself searching for inspiration and motivation from other blogs. Instead I found myself comparing my content to theirs. Which then spiraled into negative thoughts and I began to ask myself questions like: "Do people actually like reading my blog?", "Are my pictures and stories appealing to my readers?" And then I started wishing for things: a better camera, a better wardrobe, a new house! It's so very easy to get caught up in the comparison game! Especially with so many awesome blogs out there!

Once I caught myself falling down that rabbit hole of nonsense, I just decided to step back and just not think about my blog for awhile. It was actually starting to stress me out and I just didn't want to deal with it until I was ready to write again.

So.... what exactly have I been doing for the past couple of months? Well, since I've rambled on a bunch, I'll give ya an update. The cliffs notes version goes something like this: In March we celebrated Daniel's birthday on the 11th and mine on the 13th. Our 10th wedding anniversary was on the 12th, and we celebrated that by bringing our girls to Disneyland. We're not annual pass holders yet (waiting for the girls to get a bit older to really enjoy going more often) but we took full advantage of purchasing the 3-day passes because there was a deal for SoCal residents. We went to Disney California Adventure Park at the end of March. April, we went from Winter to Spring to Summer triple digit weather within a span of 2 weeks because SoCal’s weather is bipolar like that. And that means we have been spending a lot of our time outdoors! We celebrated Easter and had a blast... and we're still kinda recuperating from all of that. I have been going to the gym as consistent as I can get - going anywhere from 2x/week up to 5x/week. I think I've only accomplished a 5x/week once in the last 2 months though. It's been more like 3x max per week most weeks. But at least I'm still going!

And now here we are. Already in May. And I’m back and super excited to get back into the groove of blogging again! Do I have some great ideas planned? Sure do! Will I have the balls to actually come through and execute these posts? Well.... I am definitely hoping I do! So I guess we'll just have to wait and see! I mean, I just renewed my blog’s hosting and domain fees so I’m committed! And probably a little broke but hey, it’s an investment right? 

Anyway, if you’re still reading this, bless your sweet little heart. I know it was a bit random and all over the place but I needed another outlet for my thoughts because I think my husband is kinda over my ramblings by now. And my 2 minions just don’t quite get it... so for me blogging was the next best thing. 

Tell me in the comments below what topics you’d like for me to write about! I’d love to hear your suggestions! 

Tags: #parenthood #motherhood #Easter #momdiaries #Disneyland #DisneyCaliforniaAdventurePark #momfashion #momstyle #todderfashion #toddlerstyle #lifewithkids #california

Introducing: Mom Diaries

Hi!!! If you've somehow found your way here to this blog post, I just want to say THANK YOU! Whether you stumbled upon here on "accident" or you actually clicked on this post with the intention to actually read it, I want you to know that I truly do appreciate you doing so!

So if you're still reading this... welcome! Welcome to this new segment of my blog where you will find my raw honest truths about life. And I say "life" in general and not just "mom life" because I hope that those who are not yet moms will still want to read this and still be able to relate to the things I talk about. This series will touch on anything I feel like sharing - it could range anywhere from happy thoughts to sad thoughts; stories of my frustrations, my triumphs & victories (both little and big) in this tough journey through motherhood; it could be about ANYTHING that will make you go hmmmm.

My main goal with this is to create a safe place that will allow women to be vulnerable and open up and want to share their thoughts, experiences, and stories with the rest of us. A place where we can support other overwhelmed moms and have a dialogue without judgment. There is no 'one way' to do this thing called life. Because I feel like in this day and age, especially with social media, the expectations and culture of momhood (and womanhood) has changed so much since the generation of moms/women before me. Social media allows other moms/women out there to "hide" behind their computer screens or smart phones and openly criticize or bully other women (don't get me wrong, I know there are a lot who empower and encourage too). And then if it's not the mom-shame that gets to us, it's the mom guilt that we inflict on ourselves from the comments that weren't necessarily meant to shame us but rather to "encourage" us. Blame the hormones, man. They really do a number on us during pregnancy and postpartum. 

Let me give you an example of a time I experienced mom-guilt from a comment that was not meant to shame me. And it's not even a really big or dramatic one. I'm sure some may think it's silly or that it's not even a big deal. But it really was for me at the time because I was a new mom. Like brand spanking new. Extremely hormonal, sleep-deprived, and completely overwhelmed. There were times where I felt defeated and so alone because everyone I knew that had kids were already past the baby stage and they really did not remember the details of just how hard it was and couldn't really help me feel better about going through it. I've had friends/family say to me "I'm soooo glad we're way past that stage" when they see all the work I'm putting in to try and establish some sort of schedule or when they see how tired I look or how I can't do things because my babies are so clingy and needy. And when I say "do things" I'm talking about simple things like daily chores. Don't even get me started on that subject. I'll have to save that one for a future post. I'm trying to keep this post short and sweet but it's actually turning out to be a long one.

Anyway, I digress from the actual story I'm trying to tell.

Ok so back to when Ella was about 6 weeks old. I posted this photo to my personal Instagram account - which is private by the way and only friends and family can see it. It's a photo of me wearing Ella in a Baby K'tan. And my caption said something along the lines of "trying to put baby to sleep" while the photo showed me in the living room, standing (most likely bouncing) while watching TV. And one of my friends commented something like "ohhhh watch out, you're going to spoil her!"

That's it. That's all that was said.

And I. Just. Lost. It.

Not because I thought she was shaming me. Because she wasn't. She's not a judgy person at all. That's not even her personality or style. She said it jokingly and I do know that. But at the time, because I was still so new to this and experiencing all the highs and lows of this beautiful chaos, I totally took this comment out of context and just immediately felt like I was failing as a mom. Because that photo or caption did not capture the entire story behind it. No one knew that I had tried everything I could think of to get my baby to sleep without the help of me rocking her to sleep. Or nursing her to sleep. Or bouncing around the entire house to get to her to sleep. No one knew just how badly my baby would scream the minute I put her down and how stressful it was for me to hear her scream. And I'm talkin' bloody murder type screaming. There was no cute "quiet" kind of crying from this child in the first few weeks of her life. Nooooo, this child of mine screamed like she was dying. And I'm not exaggerating. My neighbors would actually come over to check on us sometimes because they could hear her. The only way I could get Ella to nap during the day or go to bed at night, was to hold her. So yeah I became this extremely sensitive human being and I questioned everything about my ability to care for this tiny creature because I felt like I couldn't do anything right. And then I'd hear comments like "my baby never cried that bad as a newborn" which then made me think that something was wrong with Ella.

Like I get that most of the comments I've read or heard in person weren't meant to offend me. But there are still the ones that comment with the purpose of making you feel like sh*t because those type of people don't care if they hurt your feelings. Trust me, I've had my share. But when you're a brand new mom that has never been through a life changing event that drastic, it can really mess you up.

Me? I was a hot mess. I was alone (at least it felt that way). And then after that I kind of limited what I shared on social media because I put so much pressure on myself to be that perfect mom that society expects us to be - and for every mom, the definition of a perfect mom is different. I know there are many new moms out there that feel this same exact way but don't want to share their stories because they fear that someone might shame them or make them feel guilty. We torture ourselves by comparing ourselves and our babies to others. We look at photos on Instagram of Facebook and take it for what it looks like and don't know the whole story behind that perfect picture. When we see others parenting differently from how we think parenting should be, we either judge or we try to do it that way too and see if we get good results. Social media just makes it so easy to get caught up in all of that when we're feeling like we have no idea what we're doing.

So I'm hoping if I share my stories that others will want to, too. It always feels good to talk it out. And I have a lot of stories to share with you. 3 whole years worth. I may not have a lot of experience under my belt just yet but it's definitely been quite a journey for me.

If you have any stories you'd like to share, shoot me a comment and let's talk about it like real life girlfriends do!

tags: #momdiaries #momlife #postpartumjourney #newmom #motherhood #momcommunity

And Time For Round 2!!!

*Originally posted April 12, 2017 on Fab . Fit . Me*

Miss Ella Bella wants to say hi ya'll!!!

She's definitely excited about somethin'!

And if ya missed it...maybe this one will fill you in on her little secret...

SURPRISE!!!

Yup. Here we go again...Yours truly is preggers with Baby #2!!!

I figured I'd announce it now since everyone from The Hills is announcing theirs. First Lauren Conrad, then Whitney Port, and now Heidi Montag? Lots of "famous" babies due this year. How exciting!!!!

Ok so I dunno if it's crazy that we're having babies close together in age... but what's done is done and there's no turning back! Ella was 18 months when her future sibling was conceived... and will be about 2 years old and 3 months when Baby #2 arrives. Ella is one active toddler so we definitely will have our work cut out for us. But if there's anything we've learned about being parents, it's this: be ready to roll with the punches and just do it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Originally, before we had Ella, we planned to start trying for Baby #2 when Ella turned 10 months old. Yeah right. That changed the minute we realized how much we underestimated how hard it was to care for 1 baby let alone 2 babies. But because we only plan on having 2 kids, we wanted to make sure to have them close together. I mean, my sister and I are a couple of years apart and I loved growing up with her. And I want the same for Ella.

So here we are. Expecting our 2nd child. Excited of course. But extremely nervous about going through this whole baby thing again. The good thing is, we know what it's like to have 1 baby. The bad thing is, we have no clue what it's like to have a toddler and a baby.

Anyway, I'll be posting updates as best I can on this pregnancy. I'll be posting another Q&A like I did the last time. Followed by a gender reveal recap that is set to happen on April 15th. And all the weekly updates much like last time.

Most importantly I'm hoping to just be able to blog more than I have about any and everything.

So stay tuned for more!

Tags: #pregnancyannouncement #bigsister #pregnancy #pregnancyjourney #motherhood