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Updated: Jan 27, 2020


When we finally announced to the world that we were pregnant for the first time, we were showered with so much love and excitement and the attention we got was a bit overwhelming but we loved everything about it. And then came all the unsolicited advice. Some were good, some were just annoyingly bad... but none really prepared me for what to really expect. I'm all about being positive in this thing called life but sometimes, ya just have to be REAL. And new parenthood is one of those things where I feel, you should be brutally honest with people especially when they solicit your advice. Because it's definitely NOT easy. And even though I had been warned that it is HARD... it would have been nice if people didn't try to sugar coat it. I would have preferred to know all the not-all-rainbows-and-unicorns details of what it was really gonna be like instead of the enjoy-every-minute-because-it-goes-so-fast stuff.


With all of that said... I have compiled a list of advice I wish I would have received before my life changed forever. And these are also pieces of advice I give to my expecting mother friends who have NO idea what's about to happen... and only when solicited, of course.



1. Be kind to yourself

You freakin' grew a baby AND pushed it out. Your body did a miraculous thing. It's going to take some time for your body to get back to a new normal. I say "new" normal because your body will never be the same. And it's not a bad thing! I had very unrealistic expectations of my body bouncing back because I was that fit chick who worked out all the way up until I gave birth and thought that my body would just go back to the way it was. And that mentality set me up for some major disappointment when I left the hospital lookin' like I was still 5 months pregnant. I never gave myself a break and felt the need to hurry up and get back into the gym as soon as I could. And looking back now, I feel like such a fool. So just be kind to your body. Be patient. And do things to take care of yourself - mind, body and soul.


2. You will go through an identity crisis... and will have to navigate motherhood trying to figure out your place in this new life. And you will miss the old you... but you'll realize that the new you is so much better.

I definitely struggled with this. A lot. Having Ella rocked my whole world and it was difficult for me to accept that my life would never be the same. I thought for sure, having Ella would be just like taking on another job (I've worked 2-3 jobs all at once before) and I'd adjust to that life easy peasy. But it's just not the case. Especially with me. I felt like I was going through an identity crisis. And I started to miss the life I had before baby. Having a baby changed EVERYTHING about who I was mentally AND physically. And I realized that I couldn't be who I used to be. The "old me" was pretty selfish - had a career and was ambitiously working hard on it and continuously striving for more, spent a ridiculous amount of time at the gym workin' on that Summer bod year round, and still had oodles and oodles of time to do a whole lotta nothin' even though I swore I was busy all the time. The "old me" was pretty awesome. But the "new me" is 100x better. To be honest, it took me some time to get to know the "new me" and to fully accept her for who she is...and while I do wish I had more time to do the things the "old me" enjoyed, I would not trade this mom life for the world.


3. Do NOT compare yourself to other moms

We are in the age of technology and social media. So it can be difficult not to get sucked into the comparison game when you see all the pretty pictures of moms with their newborns - you know the ones of them with their make-up on and hair all did lookin' so perfect and happy. While you're over here with leaky boobs and chapped nipples feelin' like a bus hit you and then reversed and ran you over 10x more. It's a difficult pill to swallow especially when you're a zombie and hormones are just ragin' through you like nobody's business. Part of you kinda knows that these pics are curated or staged but the majority of you just feels like that insta-mom totally has her shit together while you, on the other hand, does not. Yup, I've been there. And while I'm sure some moms have seen my pics and thought the same... we really just need to stop torturing ourselves with all that nonsense. Social media is a highlight reel of all the great moments... but every mother has their own struggles no different from our own so just don't even waste your time with that comparison game.


4. Admitting motherhood is hard or that you're not lovin' every second of it OUT LOUD does NOT mean you are ungrateful or that you don't love your baby... it means you're HUMAN.

There was a time, during the newborn haze, when Daniel and I were so completely exhausted and sleep deprived.... when we were up in the middle of the night for one of Ella's feedings and we were talking about our day and how hard it was. And I remember one of us saying "you think it's too late to drop her off at the fire station?" I honestly can't remember if it was me that said it or if it was Daniel because I was delirious at that point. But it made us laugh and it became a running joke between us especially on the hard days. The days when we felt overwhelmed and defeated. Of course we weren't serious. We would never give our babies up. But the early days of parenthood is probably the hardest. And if you're not allowed to joke, vent or complain about it, how are you supposed to survive?


5. Let people help you or don't be afraid to ask for help!

I was totally stubborn about this. After we came home from the hospital with Ella, Daniel waited on me like the supportive husband he is. He cooked my meals and brought them to me in bed, he cleaned and offered to take the baby so I could sleep, he did everything. And instead of letting him, I made a big stink about it and even took it as an insult. Because I had this stupid expectation that I needed to be super Mom right from the get go. When I ended up in the ER a week postpartum because I thought I was hemorrhaging, I had no choice but to slow down and let people help me. You really can't do it all. And it really is nice to let people do things for you especially when you've got a tiny little baby to keep alive. Plus your body is healing and you really should let it heal. This applies to any season of parenting! Not just the newborn stage. And you betta believe I took advantage of the help with Baby No. 2. Because, not sure if you experienced this, but people were more willing to help out with Baby No. 1 than with Baby No. 2.


6. Fed is best. And also, it's nobody's damn business if you're exclusively breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, or formula feeding.

Okay so breastfeeding is HARD. And the mom culture these days is Breast is Best. Which doesn't seem so bad especially to those who are successful at it, but it definitely puts a lot of pressure on the women aren't quite as successful. My breastfeeding journey didn't go the way I had hoped. And it wasn't because I didn't try hard enough. I did everything right, I put in a lot of effort, and Ella latched on perfectly. But even still, she wasn't getting enough milk to gain the weight she needed because she'd always fall asleep at the breast before she got her fill of milk. Which then affected my milk supply. But because of the expectations of Breast is Best, when I was told I needed to supplement with formula, I was horrified and felt like a complete failure as a mom. I worked hard to try and bring my milk supply up with pumping around the clock IN ADDITION to nursing around the clock and the stress that caused me almost pushed me in to a depression that scared me to death. So I stopped the pumping madness and just decided to do both nursing and formula feeding.


7. Find your mom tribe

Because motherhood can get so very lonely! My friends and family either have older kids or have no kids at all. So going through the newborn phase was such a lonely experience for me. Almost every one in my life couldn't remember much about the baby days and couldn't relate to the things I was going through. And even those late night feedings when it's just you and baby up, your sleep-deprived thoughts consume you and it gets super depressing sometimes. So join a local mommy + me support group if you can. Or take advantage of the mom communities that exist on social media. There are so many other mamas going through the same exact season you are. So you are definitely NOT alone!


8. Your hubby/partner may be your rock, your ride-or-die, your PIC... but after kids? There will be times where you will question why you chose him to procreate with.

And it can (and will) happen more than once. In one day. But just like I talked about in Advice #4... admitting that does not make you love him less. It just means you really wish he had the boobs to nurse Baby so that you, too, can sleep through the night.


9. Happy Mom = Happy Life

Do something for yourself that makes you feel good. Whatever that may be. Go for a walk. Go to Starbucks and enjoy your favorite drink. Roam the aisles of Target. Get that mani/pedi. Just do something that makes you happy. I wish I had taken a lot more time for myself when I first had Ella. For some reason, I thought I didn't deserve a break. Because I'm supposed to be her mom first and foremost. But I learned that you can't take care of your family if you don't take care of yourself. So even if it's longer showers/baths at the end of the day or just taking a 15 minute walk outside.... just do it. You will feel SO much better afterwards.


10. Embrace the chaos because there IS light at the end of the tunnel!

Finally! Something positive after all the debbie downer emo advice! Motherhood is hard AF! The entire transition to new motherhood is so full of challenges and hormones and it's such a mind f-ck and nobody tells you these things!!! If someone would have given me any one of these tips... it would definitely have helped me get through those dark and lonely moments. I remember saying out loud to Daniel once "is this my life now?" because for some stupid reason, I never saw beyond the newborn stage. Obviously I wasn't thinkin' clearly.




What's the best parental advice you've been given? What's the worst? And what pieces of advice do you offer to new parents?


 





Updated: Aug 18, 2020

Just when you think you’ve mastered a routine, life happens — your baby grows up and goes off to preschool. Then it’s complete chaos for at least a week or so, trying to find the groove of our new daily M-F routine.



Preschool is a pretty big deal. Like MAJOR. I get 3 hours without a 4-year-old from 11:30am - 2:30pm... what the heck do I do with myself?! Yeah I know, I still got an almost-2-year-old to look after... I haven’t forgotten about her. But having 1 kid is a hell of a lot easier to manage than 2! And 3 hours may not seem like a lot of time so I’ve had to REALLY think about what I wanted to accomplish within such a short time frame.



Is it worth skipping Evie’s nap time to roam the aisles of Target and spend money you don’t have?! Should I risk putting Evie down for a nap? And if so, is it worth waking her up (if she’s not already awake) to pick Sissy up from school? Just an FYI, she’s definitely NOT a happy camper when she’s woken up earlier than she's ready to be. And if Evie DOES take a nap, do I take advantage of this ME time and binge watch Jane The Virgin for the millionth time and just chillax?! Maybe have a glass of wine — ok maybe not the wine. But still... should I?! Or should I be a responsible adult and use this time to do laundry AND clean the whole house all while baby naps? Maybe take a quick catnap myself? Sleep is obviously a VERY crucial part of our day as you can tell. Trying to figure out when that nap should take place can be pretty difficult! And on top of that, coming to terms with not wearing pajamas all day long has been pretty depressing.

 

So now that Ella’s been in school for 3 whole weeks now, I can tell you briefly how Everly and I spent our 3 hours a day of week 1.


Day 1 : It was orientation day so not much happened because Ella was there for 1 hour but parents were required to be there as well.


Day 2: We dropped Ella off at school and went to pick up our dog Tipsy from the groomers (hubby took her first thing in the morning). When we got home I did 3 loads of laundry. Ok ok, I’m lying. I started a load that morning before Ella went to school so I wasn’t that accomplished. And in between loads I did some dishes and cooked some meals and entertained Everly who seemed kinda lost that Sissy was not here. Evie napped after we picked Sissy up.


Day 3: I watched Everly run around in circles (literally) for awhile while I folded the clothes from the previous day. Yup, I totally didn’t fold them right away because I’m just not that put together. Then Evie napped after we picked Sissy up from school. 


Day 4: It was Back To School night so Everly had no choice but to take her nap right after we dropped sister off at school. Good thing she had woken up earlier than usual because she didn’t fight me at all. And while Evie napped, mama binge watched Season 5 of Jane The Virgin. If you haven’t seen the show, you need to! It’s SO good! 


Day 5: So we decided to make that trip to Target. More like attempted. Everly had a meltdown before we even made it into the store so there’s that. Maybe we’ll try again next Friday.


Now that it's been 3 weeks of preschool, I can tell you that I am already SO OVER IT. It dawned on me on day 3 that THIS is now my life. I am now a parent of a pre-schooler. My schedule now revolves around my 4-year-old's drop-off and pick-up schedule. And this revelation was pretty shocking at first. THIS will be my life until both of my girls have graduated high school! So yeah... I'm already over it and their first long break from school cannot come soon enough. And though preschool is only 3 hours long, the process of getting them up and ready for the day, fed and out the door by a certain time 5 days a week is not fun at all. Not that I was expecting it to be a party or anything. I'm seriously already missing the days where we could lounge in our pj's all day long and eat our meals whenever we were hungry and take our naps when we wanted to... yeah we are definitely spoiled.


*sigh*


In other news, Ella is lovin' her new routine. She loves to pick out her clothes and gets super excited to go to school so she can play with her friends (she's got like 4 of them now), play on the playground, engage in all the new things she's learning. I have to say, by Day 4 of week 1, she was already telling me "bye" and running off before I'd even signed her in. My mama heart kinda broke when she didn't even look back for me. These bittersweet moments just keep on comin', don't they?


So yeah... we survived our first week of preschool.



Have your kids started school yet? What grades are they in? Are/Were you excited about the first day? If this is your first time (like me), how were you feeling? More importantly, what did/do y'all do with your time while they were/are in school? Tell me all the things!!!




 

Updated: Jan 27, 2020

Holy cow! Did anyone else notice I was gone from the blogging world for nearly 2 months?! I honestly did not mean to take that long of a break but geez... how in the world did 2 months fly on by?!


You're probably wondering what happened. Or maybe not. But even if you weren't wondering what happened, you're gonna read about it anyway because I'm gonna tell you. Just an FYI, this is probably going to be the most random thought-filled blog post I have written to date so just humor me and read along and tell me your thoughts at the end, k? Even if you think I'm too crazy for you... just give me some feedback!


Okay, so after my last couple of posts, I kinda developed writer's block. Which usually is no big deal because it happens to me all the time - life happens and my blog usually gets pushed to the side because priorities, right? Well that wasn't the case this time around. To put it simply, I was just feeling uninspired to write anything. I was definitely in a funk and I just couldn't get out of it.


This is pretty much how this particular case of writer's block would go for me...

The creative juices start flowing and the ideas would come to me while I'm NOT sitting at my computer. At the most inconvenient times. Like when I'm doing chores. Or when I'm taking a shower or even when I'm giving my kids their baths. I'd get my best ideas for blog topics while I'm doing the dang dishes. The "old" me would have stopped what I was doing to jot down some notes. Maybe even do it in outline form. Because I used to be such an annoyingly organized multi-tasker who enjoyed writing lists. With fancy pens on pretty stationary. Ok, maybe that's a lil bit of an exaggeration but seriously... the "pre-baby" me used to be effing annoying. Because "me" now? The "hot mess scatterbrained mom" me is less organized and is always trying to do a million things at once trying to convince myself that multi-tasking is NOT a thing, that it does NOT exist, and that people who believe it does? They are the crazy ones. When really, multi-tasking is just about making a mental to-do list in our head, then starting on project #1 and not fully finishing it before getting distracted with project #2-gazillion and before you know it, we've started a million projects with every intention of finishing them but not really. Because by the time you come back to tackle any of the projects on the list, you find that it's evolved into something else. Anyway, I digress. As I was saying... the "mom" me is always trying to hurry up to get some chores done before my stage 5 clinger (AKA Everly) realizes that she no longer wants to play independently or with her sister anymore and comes looking for me. Because who keeps pen and paper near the kitchen sink anyway? Apparently NOT me. Then I forget that mom brain really IS a thing (like every single time) and I think to myself "you will remember your thoughts. And you will write up this post when Baby's asleep because you're a badass and YOU GOT THIS." If I could insert an emoji right here, I so would. It would be this guy right here....


Because we all know that once I sat my ass down to hash out a badass post, nothing came to mind but a huge question mark. And then I'd just sat there hoping that it would all come back to me. Hoping that the blinking cursor would just start spitting out words. Instead it just blinked. And blinked some more. Until I couldn't take it anymore and ultimately I just gave up.


Sad but true.


I found myself searching for inspiration and motivation from other blogs. Instead I found myself comparing my content to theirs. Which then spiraled into negative thoughts and I began to ask myself questions like: "Do people actually like reading my blog?", "Are my pictures and stories appealing to my readers?" And then I started wishing for things: a better camera, a better wardrobe, a new house! It's so very easy to get caught up in the comparison game! Especially with so many awesome blogs out there!


Once I caught myself falling down that rabbit hole of nonsense, I just decided to step back and just not think about my blog for awhile. It was actually starting to stress me out and I just didn't want to deal with it until I was ready to write again.


So.... what exactly have I been doing for the past couple of months? Well, since I've rambled on a bunch, I'll give ya an update. The cliffs notes version goes something like this: In March we celebrated Daniel's birthday on the 11th and mine on the 13th. Our 10th wedding anniversary was on the 12th, and we celebrated that by bringing our girls to Disneyland. We're not annual pass holders yet (waiting for the girls to get a bit older to really enjoy going more often) but we took full advantage of purchasing the 3-day passes because there was a deal for SoCal residents. We went to Disney California Adventure Park at the end of March. April, we went from Winter to Spring to Summer triple digit weather within a span of 2 weeks because SoCal’s weather is bipolar like that. And that means we have been spending a lot of our time outdoors! We celebrated Easter and had a blast... and we're still kinda recuperating from all of that. I have been going to the gym as consistent as I can get - going anywhere from 2x/week up to 5x/week. I think I've only accomplished a 5x/week once in the last 2 months though. It's been more like 3x max per week most weeks. But at least I'm still going!



And now here we are. Already in May. And I’m back and super excited to get back into the groove of blogging again! Do I have some great ideas planned? Sure do! Will I have the balls to actually come through and execute these posts? Well.... I am definitely hoping I do! So I guess we'll just have to wait and see! I mean, I just renewed my blog’s hosting and domain fees so I’m committed! And probably a little broke but hey, it’s an investment right? 


Anyway, if you’re still reading this, bless your sweet little heart. I know it was a bit random and all over the place but I needed another outlet for my thoughts because I think my husband is kinda over my ramblings by now. And my 2 minions just don’t quite get it... so for me blogging was the next best thing. 


Tell me in the comments below what topics you’d like for me to write about! I’d love to hear your suggestions! 


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